It’s bad enough to be constantly chased by salivating guys on the street everyday. I mean I can’t keep these dudes off me …
Okay. Slight exaggeration.
Womp!
I’m no Marilyn Monroe and I don’t care. I’m a lady and I like dressing up and being pretty but I won’t go out of my way to conform to society’s idea of beauty. I could play the influence of Eurocentrism or the sexism card right now. But, instead of pointing fingers, I will share how I overcame my struggle with insecurities.
I went through all the phases, all of them. There was a time when I couldn’t leave my house without makeup because I was so accustomed to a painted face and thought it was inappropriate to wear a bare face in public. I also went through the weave phase, as I took one weave out I’d put in another. I’d buy a lot of clothes, so many I’d be popping tags every other day.
You must be wondering where this is going and why was this an issue?
First, you must understand the kind of girl I am and why I was doing these things. I am naturally a wallflower. My genuine interests include reading, writing down whatever comes to my mind, deciphering song lyrics, watching random videos on YouTube and sleeping at every given opportunity. I don’t go out much. I do enjoy a drink every now and then but I don’t smoke. Yes, I really don’t smoke. So to sum it all up, I like to be left alone in my room where I can be comfortable and braless. Hehe.
The glam didn’t do much for my personality, but something about these additives made me feel normal. I craved normality. I felt like being in my comfort zone was holding me back from a lot . This was what was expected of me and I was doing my best to deliver.
I am so used to the word “lame” being thrown at me for as long as I can remember, I was working overtime to fit in and be a bit more umm, “hot.”
It took a tragedy and a breakdown for me to realize that it made no sense I tried to change myself to please people. I shouldn’t have to work so hard to impress anyone, especially in love. Sad story.
I had always wanted to go natural and people would talk me out of it.
“Natural hair is lame and you’ll look old”
” You know you’d have to cut all your hair off right? You could never pull off short hair”
On December 31st 2012, I made a vow that for the rest of my life I’d do me and I wouldn’t allow anyone to bring me down. I cut my hair off that day and something amazing happened. I felt free. I could feel all my problems and insecurities fall to the ground along with my hair. I felt like a different person. A happy person.
Weird things began to happen.
I was doing the things I love and people were more accepting of it. I even started to meet a lot of people with the same interests.
I realized that a different calibre of men started to notice me.
I’m talking about men with good jobs, men who are mature, men who got their lives together, smart men, sexy men, all kind of men!
I had a whole box of sexy chocolate bits to choose from!
Maybe it wasn’t the haircut that freed me and made these men start to see me differently. Maybe it’s the way that I began to see myself that really attracted them. I do indulge sometimes, but I no longer feel the need to hide behind weaves or makeup as I’m now aware that some eyeshadow and a few extra inches of hair won’t make me any more beautiful. I was actually hiding the beauty all along.
I miss that haircut. But I guess it’s job is done.
The Struggle To Evolve 