To the guy who bought me the sandals at UWI, thank you…

15 Nov

It was all too familiar and embarrassing. A million curse words swarmed my mind as it wouldn’t  be the first time I tripped and burst my slippers in public. All I can recall is I had a clash with 2 classes and I was running from one faculty to the next, then my slippers got caught in the cracked concrete and my toenail broke.  I stood there looking at the tragedy while some real “hot girl” onlookers giggled. I’m kinda used to the clumsy life,  so I took up my torn slippers, and hopped on one foot until I found a bench. I sat there for like 5 minutes, feeling the agony of my deeply broken toenail, not knowing what to do, nobody to call ( I have zero friends) and trying not to show how embarrassed and frightened I was …then …out of nowhere I saw a hand stretched out a pair of sandals to me, I looked up ..he was a complete stranger …I didn’t even know what to say, I reluctantly took it out of his hand and put them on, they were my perfect fit …

Now, to the guy that bought me the sandals at UWI, I thank you.

You wouldn’t even understand the importance of what you did and how  grateful I am. I vow to help as many strangers in distress as I can, just as you helped me. You sir, have restored my faith in mankind – Aza ❤️



The Basics.

10 Apr

I think we’re all given a certain amount of love by God at birth to give to others throughout our lifetime.
At 22, I believe I ran out of God’s gift.
My alloted love was used up by the low energy, emotionally under-charged boy
The one I had to overcompensate for so I could have a hand to hold
I invested in the underprivileged that needed my love to survive
The boy with mommy issues that seeked comfort in my arms
The one looking for refuge from the woman who was lost

I was there as usual
Sharing and caring
Giving and hoping
Stretching my arms out for the basics
Just an I love you
And a you complete me
Intimacy and relevance
But after all I realized
As I look down on my empty hands
My heartbeat echoes in my empty heart
I was careless with God’s gift

Is all hope lost?
Is that part of me dead?
Should I sit back and hope that one day
Someone will be willing to sacrifice their alloted love for me?
Someone with so much love he’ll top me up
And still be full enough to supply our children
Someone who sees me for me and not the deprived monster I’ve become
Someone to make me his charity case
And only stretch his arms out for the basics.


Just Wondering …

11 Oct

Our matching Venus in Scorpio couldn’t save us.
I fought for you like I never believed that I would ever need anything else that badly.
I’m intense, I’m emotional
You’re lovable, you’re insensitive
Two magnetic auras
One cold heart
Girls dig guys like you
I myself am not immuned to your type
I tried to pull you off me
But you held on to my heart like a leech
Fed off my sanity, sight and love
Danced to the sound of my tears
Surfed through my waves of emotions
I’m sure I kept you entertained

So please tell me…
Why don’t you want to play anymore?



12 Dec

My mind won’t be at rest
It’s brutal and knows what to do
Hold on to you, mourn our love
Make everything look better than it was
Your eyes are more dreamy
Your smell is captivating
The situation now seems tolerable

Over-thinking constantly
Reproaching my choices
Maybe I could’ve tried harder
Maybe you’re the mildest pain
But time will tell
It will either make us or break us
Everything is out of my hands

Staring at my destitute shadow
Confining the tears
Weakness takes over
But that’s ok this one time
Because, unlike every other time
I know there is no logic in this.
There’s nothing to understand here.


6 Dec

I wonder how she looks
All graceful and stunning
I conjure a million instances
I’ll see the light hit her long flowing hair from across the street
While you bend down to tie her laces
She’ll stand there all victorious
While I play my role from a distance

How is she not enough?
How could you possibly want more?
And where in me did you find it?
Dumb question
It’s all in my crippled lips, docile and seemingly disconnected from my thoughts
My frequent moans of vulnerability and feeble idiosyncrasies
My shaky legs
My daydreams
And my fear of reflection

Your words don’t fool me
But your actions do
My mind is appalled
My heart is leaping recklessly
She knows you’re safe with me
I’m only a matter of your desire
Destined to perish with time
To her, I’m like a virus going through your system
Soon to be unnoticeable
She wins everyday
I lose every night.


The Lucky Haircut.

1 Dec

It’s bad enough to be constantly chased by salivating guys on the street everyday. I mean I can’t keep these dudes off me …

Okay. Slight exaggeration.


I’m no Marilyn Monroe and I don’t care. I’m a lady and I like dressing up and being pretty but I won’t go out of my way to conform to society’s idea of beauty. I could play the influence of Eurocentrism or the sexism card right now. But, instead of pointing fingers, I will share how I overcame my struggle with insecurities.
I went through all the phases, all of them. There was a time when I couldn’t leave my house without makeup because I was so accustomed to a painted face and thought it was inappropriate to wear a bare face in public. I also went through the weave phase, as I took one weave out I’d put in another. I’d buy a lot of clothes, so many I’d be popping tags every other day.

You must be wondering where this is going and why was this an issue?

First, you must understand the kind of girl I am and why I was doing these things. I am naturally a wallflower. My genuine interests include reading, writing down whatever comes to my mind, deciphering song lyrics, watching random videos on YouTube and sleeping at every given opportunity. I don’t go out much. I do enjoy a drink every now and then but I don’t smoke. Yes, I really don’t smoke. So to sum it all up, I like to be left alone in my room where I can be comfortable and braless. Hehe.
The glam didn’t do much for my personality, but something about these additives made me feel normal. I craved normality. I felt like being in my comfort zone was holding me back from a lot . This was what was expected of me and I was doing my best to deliver.

I am so used to the word “lame” being thrown at me for as long as I can remember, I was working overtime to fit in and be a bit more umm, “hot.”

It took a tragedy and a breakdown for me to realize that it made no sense I tried to change myself to please people. I shouldn’t have to work so hard to impress anyone, especially in love. Sad story.

I had always wanted to go natural and people would talk me out of it.

Natural hair is lame and you’ll look old”

You know you’d have to cut all your hair off right? You could never pull off short hair

On December 31st 2012, I made a vow that for the rest of my life I’d do me and I wouldn’t allow anyone to bring me down. I cut my hair off that day and something amazing happened. I felt free. I could feel all my problems and insecurities fall to the ground along with my hair. I felt like a different person. A happy person.

Weird things began to happen.

I was doing the things I love and people were more accepting of it. I even started to meet a lot of people with the same interests.

I realized that a different calibre of men started to notice me.

I’m talking about men with good jobs, men who are mature, men who got their lives together, smart men, sexy men, all kind of men!

I had a whole box of sexy chocolate bits to choose from!

Maybe it wasn’t the haircut that freed me and made these men start to see me differently. Maybe it’s the way that I began to see myself that really attracted them. I do indulge sometimes, but I no longer feel the need to hide behind weaves or makeup as I’m now aware that some eyeshadow and a few extra inches of hair won’t make me any more beautiful. I was actually hiding the beauty all along.

I miss that haircut. But I guess it’s job is done.



29 Nov

Hi …
Good morning …
Notice me …
Please …

Why are you up before the sun?
What’s on your mind?
Not me?
It’s obvious what’s on mine
This is ridiculous
Let me update my status
Still nothing?
Damn …

I wish I was the girl who’d go first
Be bold, poised and eloquent
But I’m not …
Instead, I’ll just drop hints
All cowardly and shy

Might as well go back to bed
He’s obviously having a convo with her
Maybe she’s hot or just more interesting
I’m going to lose to Mystery Girl if I don’t make a move soon
C’mon, I can do this
Just type …”hi”

Darn! He’s gone offline
I guess I lost my chance
Oh look, he’s back
Send! Send! Send!
C’mon send the message

What am I doing?
I can’t hit send
Suppose he’s busy?
Suppose he doesn’t want to talk to me?
I don’t want to be a bother.

I guess I’m just not the first thing on his mind as he said
But that’s okay
I’ll just wait for him to say good morning at 11:00am.
That’s still morning right?


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